Slowly ticking...
5 years, 54 months and 9 days. It feels like our match day is that far away.When we started the process, the timeline was 12-14 months for the wait time between our LID and match day. 12 months is only 9 days away, and if the referrals remain on the track they are on today, that would mean a wait of 10 years. Nope, not a typo - TEN years.
So, this is why I haven't posted to our blog for several months. I have remained hopeful for change in the amount of time it is taking the CCAA to match waiting families to their children. Today, I am having a pity party. What caused this sudden reaction? I've been distracted with so much since March - some intentional, some not... and yesterday, I received an email from our agency with what they call "Family Support Packets". There is a lot of information regarding what we should expect on Match Day, travel etc... and I realized that our timeline is so extremely indefinite, that I, too, have become detached from the reality that we will have our child at the end of this long journey.
Tomorrow will be a better day - I won't allow myself to stay in "this place" for long. Tonight, I think I will go into our baby girl's nursery (which by the way hasn't been set up since our recent move - that is another story for another day) and spend some time there. I almost feel like I am experiencing grief for a loss ... again.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
5 comments:
Hey there my friend
Glad to see you posting! I too have been having a major pity party. My 12 month lid post will not be a celebratory one. I decided with all the uncertainty right now, it's ok to feel bad about the wait. I too was a little taken aback when I got the email with the support packet - match day - what? hmmm. Still holding out that we'll see our gilrs in 08 - if you need me, I'm here to talk :)
Theresa-
At long last you posted. We miss you on the ladybug list. Stop by when you can. Sorry you are having a pity party but I think we all can relate. Hang in there and things are bound to get better!!
Lisa
I always felt better when I visited Andrew's nursery. It was so peaceful and calm. I wouldn't go in for weeks at a time and then I would spend a couple of hours over a few days doing something maybe rearranging items, maybe dusting, maybe hanging a new photo. It was an instant moment of relaxation. Funny how the room seems so perfect for this little stranger. You're daughter or whomever comes between now and then will enjoy that nursery too. Just hang in there. It won't be 10 years before you have a baby - maybe not from China but a baby nonetheless.
Im so glad I found your blog!! Hope you indeed had a better day!
Hey, it's good to see a post from you. Was wondering where you had gone... A friend recently told me "you are closer to your child than you ever were before." This is true regardless of how long the wait turns out to be. Every day that passes, regardless of how difficult, brings us one day closer. Hang in there and know your not alone.
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